Short: Not That Sweet

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Short: Not That Sweet

My last 3 part blog seems to have taken a lot out of me, leaving me wondering, what I might share next?

Its actually been a very busy time for me since then. In the studio, I've been working on a three dog commission which is coming along nicely. I have half a dozen other paintings that are at various stages of completion. In addition to all this I've been hindered by some ongoing medical issues.

But week before last, I had a medical procedure called, cardioversion to correct one of these issues. Cardioversion is where the Dr's apply electrode pads to your chest and back and use an electrical shock to reset your heart rhythm and bring a rapid heart beat back down to a normal range.

After the procedure, I was thankful to be able to go back home feeling like my heart was, indeed, back to normal again.

The next day, however, I took an ambulance ride back to the hospital. I was finding it difficult to breathe and every breath was a struggle. This event, according to my cardiologist, was something that was totally unrelated to my heart reset the day before.

While in the ER they took x-rays of my lungs. Those images, said the Dr, could be interpreted as indicating either pneumonia or some fluid in the lungs. The Dr's couldn't decide which, so they treated both. Staying in the hospital over night, it seems I also unexpectedly passed a kidney stone. An event which led to a pelvic CT scan.

Now, there is always the risk of, when, letting the Dr's probe, prod, interpret blood tests and read high tech imaging… that, more questions than answers will arise. All this can lead to more medical appointments and further testing.

That is where I am now aparently. Soon, hopefully, there will be conclusions.

There is in me this longing of my heart to just be able to glide smoothly along, and enjoy these golden years of 'retirement' that I have heard other people talk about, but when that may happen is becoming less and less clear to me.

The thought has occurred to me that, perhaps I already missed it, a few years back… before my personal journey into the world of hospitals and Dr's began, some four years ago.

I keep telling my wife, who also is looking for those mythical 'golden years', that the golden years are when the gold. goes into paying for hospital stays and doctor visits. Are we there yet?

Inside me, there are so many things churning, turning and bubbling about… apparently. I am having difficulty putting them into words that I can share right now… maybe later..

ideas are complex


Its been a couple of hours since I wrote the previous words… the words you have read. I've had a little more time to let those thoughts penned, sink in…

We don't get to choose out how our life works out. We can plan and try, but the end is not really ours to control.

I see life much like math and our choices, like a big math problem, adding up one by one. While other decisions may subtract and take away from the sum of what we could thought we would end up with.

Life gives us opportunities to grow up and face life as it comes, bravely, head on… meet it as it comes. Of course, the opposite is true too, but there seems to be more strength and honor in facing your fears squarely, rather than in running away from them and saying they don't exist.

In the end, if we can summon hope to come be our bridge over uncertainty, then we also lighten our burdens, then, by embracing our challenges, we can face them, and even dance with them on our way through the unknown.